Fringe Launch, Parklife, Royal Melbourne Show, Footy Finals & Phoenix this Weekend

Royal Melbourne Show
The smell of straw and manure. Prize cocks. Wood chopping. 370 showbags including 30 never before seen priced from $2 to $10,000. Rides. Decorated Shoe Competition. Millinery. Cookery. Carnies. Dagwood Dogs.
What: The Show
When: Sat 24 Sept – Tues 4 Oct
Where: Melbourne Showgrounds  Epsom Road, Ascot Vale
Web: www.royalshow.com.au

Fringe Fest Launch Party
While fashionistas count the Yay or Nay votes for fringes under sunhats this Spring, I politely interrupt to ask that everyone stop talking about hair and get your derrieres to the opening night party of the Melbourne Fringe Festival Hub! Complete with MC’s, DJ’s, CP’s (circus performers), C’s (comedians), AD’s (amazing dancers) and many other abbreviate-able treats all with FE (Free entry)…you can’t go wrong. Sample all of what will be on offer for the next 2+ weeks. Hipsters welcome of course.
What: Opening Night Party
Where: Fringe Club, North Melbourne Town Hall, 521 Queensberry St, North Melbourne
When: Fri 23 September, 9pm – 1am
Web: www.melbournefringe.com.au/fringe-festival/show/opening-night-party/

Parklife
Parklife is a funny event. It sits somewhere been festival and dance party and I never really know what to make of it. It conjures images of fluro, expensive haircuts and straighteners, shirtless guys with waxed chests, and high maintenance girls in large sunglasses and short shorts. Some of my friends are going. Someone once told me it’s Meredith for south-siders. It’s got a few rather awesome acts on the line up, Gossip, Death From Above, The Streets, Kimbra, Yatch Club DJ’s and a whole bunch of dance acts I’ve never heard of. It’s all over in time for you to catch public transport home. They are also offering a Ridiculously Expensive Ticket which is well worth the read. Maybe you should go, it could be fun.
What: Music Festival
Where: Myer Music Bowl
When: Saturday 24 Sept, noon – 10pm
Web: http://parklife.com.au

Collingwood vs Hawthorn
Grand Finals are all well and good – people who know nothing about football have BBQs and watch the game, even people from Sydney! Don’t get me wrong, the Grand Final is great, but if you want a really passionate AFL experience the Preliminary Finals are where it’s at. I have fond memories of taking a dear Canadian friend to her first match: the 2009 Prelim between St. Kilda and The Doggies. When the Dogs lost she was so upset she cried. Friday night at the ‘G the Hawks come up against the magnificent force that is Collingwood. If Hawthorn can upset the Pies and knock them out of the finals it will be the best thing to happen in Victoria since the Gold Rush. If not well at least Eddie McGuire can’t get any more smug than he already is.
What: Footy!
Where: The MCG
When: Friday 23 September 7:45PM
Web: www.afl.com.au

Rise, Phoenix, from the Ashes
Melbourne has yet another gem to add to its already impressive collection of delightful venues. Phoenix Public House is the newly opened brain child of a few passionate folk from various venues and restaurants around town. The result is a large art-deco inspired food/drink/music venue making use of re-purposed materials, serving up Middle Eastern-inspired nosh and of course a fantastic space for listening to tunes. Fridays will be all about scratchy vinyl, and the next two Thursdays will feature performances by bizarre poppo’s Aleks & The Ramps with supports. Their mini-residency must come to an end, so catch them while you can. See you there!
What: New bar / venue
Where: 133 Sydney Rd, Brunswick (cnr Union St) – Where ‘The Spot’ used to be
When: Mon – Sat 4pm – 3am, Sunday 3pm – 11pm

Fugly
Once back in the 90’s when I was a naïve boy of 17 I got lost in Sydney and ended up wandering through something that I think was a gay and lesbian food festival in Hyde Park. Looking no doubt cute and vulnerable a kind lesbian who was fond of my blue hair took me under her wing and offered me some advice – stay away from the Drag Queens. Fugly is not for everyone. The blurb is insane, reading it will either make you excited or uncomfortable or both, so you can imagine what the show will be like. If you’ve got the balls it’s this Saturday.
What: Art-drag Armageddon
Where: Fringe Club – Arts House, North Melbourne Town Hall, 521 Queensberry St North Melbourne
When: Sat 24 Sept, 9pm
Web: www.melbournefringe.com.au/fringe-festival/show/fugly/