Posted by Trish Gallagher
08. Oct, 2014
There is a parking station on Bourke Street that shall remain nameless, who charge a whopping $19.00 an hour for parking. You would have to be cashed up or crackers to pay that amount of money simply to protect your precious Hyundai Accent from the elements, and in my case the parking is worth more than my actual car.
However, I trust you’ve lost your mind if you think completely free parking is available in Melbourne. Once our friends at the council get wind that there is a forlorn space hiding in some back lot, they stick a meter and sign there quicker than you can say ‘public transport sux’. With no disrespect, our parking inspectors are a special breed – reminiscent of Yul Brenner in West World, they’re actually an army of robots, trained to have no empathy for laden armed shoppers, struggling mums or lengthy meetings (at the pub). They hide in trees and under pot holes, ready to strike as soon as you click three seconds over your time limit then silently glare at you with dead eyes when you try explain your predicament. Bah Bowwwww.
In addition to the Robo-spectors, in-road sensors have been installed under most city parking spots now so they have you by the short and curlys from the get go. It’s just plain cruel.
We here at Milk Bar cannot stop the robots, nor can we promise free parking for all and sundry, but we can offer some options of reasonably priced parking that is a short walk or tram ride from where you need to go. Engines at the ready…
If you need to be in the city and you have some dollars, Lonsdale Street is your best bet. Not exactly cheap ($4.00 ph which is a damn sight better than $19), but drive along here and you are almost certain to get a spot at any time of the day. Keep to the top ends – near King Street or Spring Street and you are in like the proverbial Flynn.
ST KILDA ROAD
Again, not so cheap but providing Anzac Day or Moomba isn’t on, you are almost guaranteed a spot. A short walk up St Kilda Road to Fed Square will get some fresh air into those lungs. Milk Bar Mag takes no responsibility for torn umbrella costs due to torrential weather.
I implore you to duck in to Safeway on Smith Street and buy a packet of chewy – then your conscience can rest easy and enjoy one hour parking absolutely free at any time of the day. This could change from this point forward now that you all know, but I have always managed to get a spot (and a parking fine when time got away from me, so you have been warned).
If you don’t mind a quick tram ride on the 96, there are oodles of 4 hour spots at the bottom of Nicholson Street, just near Johnston Street. Strangely, they always seem to be available. And guess what – THEY ARE FREE.
Tucked in behind Dan Murphys on Chapel Street is an enormous flat level car park – The Cato St Car Park. Its $1.20 for the first two hours then $2.40 every hour after that, but there is no time restriction – you could park here for an age for about a tenner.
Maybe it’s superstition that people don’t park here, but if you can bless yourself three times, kiss your evil eye or carry a big old smudge stick around, you WILL get a parking spot next to the Melbourne Cemetery on Lygon Street. If you aren’t superstitious, bonus.
Parking can turn the most calm of people into rescue remedy guzzling maniacs. Walk, cycle or jump on a tram (pre-paid of course) to save your hair and nerves.
You can visit VicRoads for more parking restriction information. Kill joys.
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