Drinking to the Oscars

It’s awards season in Hollywood.  The Golden Globe warm up is over and the countdown to the big one, the Academy Awards, is in full swing. So much glamour, so much style and such a spectacle are the Oscars; it’s enough to drive you to drink, if only to distract you through the self-indulgent ‘thank you God’ speeches.

So below are a few ideas on styles of wine, (with tongue firmly planted in cheek), to indulge in to add a certain flavour to your awards night.  That is only if you are so inclined.

Best Foreign Language
Something imported no doubt. With three of the five countries, where the nominated films come from, producing wine why not mix it up a bit? Try a Gruner Veltliner from Austria or an ice wine from Canada. To really make it interesting, get stuck into some pisco from Chile – that’ll really make reading the subtitles interesting.

Best Short Film
A half bottle of Champagne. Easy.

Best Musical/Comedy
Natural Wine. Why? Because, like a musical and or comedy, it can make you laugh, it can make you cry, it can delight you, enlighten you and transform you. Or it can bloody well just annoy the shit out of you as ‘natural wine makers’ generally don’t sing from the same ‘songbook’. See what I just did there? I know, amazing. But, if it Les Miserables ends up getting it, forget wine and go straight to gin.

Best Music
A martini, shaken not stirred.

Best Visual Effects
Call in your favourite bearded hipster ‘mixologist’ and get them to come up with some bullshit cocktail made using some dehydrated what the fuck. It will no doubt be incredibly impressive, and may even taste good, but you’ll know in the end you, after waiting so long for them to make it, all you really want is a god damn Negroni.

Best Writing
Find a wine recommended by a self important wine writer who just discovered a wine made from a ‘who gives a shit grape variety’, that you can’t pronounce, from a region or place you’ve never heard of. It should also have a name that you’re more than likely going to immediately forget once you’ve heard it. Much like whoever wins this award.

Best Actress
Something aromatic, pretty, perfumed, delicate and perfectly poised. Yes, a finely boned Pinot Noir would do nicely here, though it must be one where you need lots of ‘s’ words to describe it like seductive, svelt, smooth, silky, much like the line up of nominees here.

Best Actor
You’ll definitely need a bold, handsome red here. Go for something full in body, firm in structure, long in length and muscular. The finish must be again long in length and lead you on to impressive climax or, if he happens to be Australian, no doubt will finish disappointingly short (ahem).

Best Picture
Something with a really pretty label because at this stage, it’ll be the only thing you comprehend.

The Oscars are happening screening on Monday 25 February (Melbourne time).

Dan Sims is the former Age Good Food Guide Sommelier of the Year, self-confessed pintophile and currently works at The Wine Guide.